Our mother may have been in a marriage, or a single mum, struggling her way through life in no relationships at all. Marriage may not have been her choice, or the father may have considered any permanent relationships, particularly in marriage, as the last thing he wanted.

Who knows. Whatever, our lives we were totally dependent on nurturing, loving relationships from somebody, whether in marriage or not.

As we grew older, some types of primary relationships were absolutely vital for our ongoing development. Without them we would never have survived.

The tender years of vulnerable childhood as a baby, where some would say marriage relationships would have guaranteed our security and well-being, would have been the ideal place for us to have grown and developed.

No relationships - no life. That is how crucial it was in those first years of our tiny lives. We didn't know whether our parents were in a marriage or not. It didn't really matter. What mattered was whether someone, anyone, was in some type of maternal-paternal relationships with us. Marriage may have helped or hindered, but what was essential. was that someone cared enough to be in some type of committed relationships with us.

Relationships make us both vulnerable and secure; nothing really changes. The same dynamic remains throughout our life: whether in a friendship, a romance, in a marriage, as a daughter or son, as an employer or employee - whenever anyone else is involved in our lives, that puts us in many types or levels of relationships.

Relationships, unlike marriage are inescapable, unless you want to live as a hermit in total isolation, never relating to anybody.

Now is that really an option?.

As we move toward adult life, the relationships we have with others become pretty significant, especially the sweet-heart relationships of adolescence. Suddenly we find ourselves catapulted by testosterone and other love chemicals towards marriage bliss, or some other Nevada, where our futures are inseparably intertwined - with the girl or boy of our dreams.

Romance in those special relationships is all that matters as the biological urges, instincts and accompanying attractions, lock us in to a pattern of behaviour embedded in us before we were born.

Marriage used to be the answer, sanctioned by our spiritual leaders as 'god' ordained, where we would enter holy matrimony, where all those subliminal urges of mating, procreating, yes and even loving, could now be officially sanctioned in the interests of societ and religion, into the many nuances of marriage relationships.

Romance, love, attraction, have all became the official words to justify the deeper instincts associated with procreation. What was needed for the survival of the species, were long term relationships, especially with a socially agreed and divinely approved contract known as marriage which would guarantee a commitment to the off spring, especially by the mother and supported by the father, to ensure the children were adequately fed, sheltered and protected.

But did Hollywood just come along and sugar coat these primal urges of procreation with the notion of 'falling-in-love', and then gloss it up in romance and love stories. Or, is there something else that happens in all of us in these relationships, which may be a few steps above our baser instincts.

Maybe we are all capable of loving another person because of who they are, and what we can do to enhance their life, as well .as own. Could it be that such a foundation for relationships really does exist, and that for many, marriage is one of the essential relationships to express those views and feelings.

Deep friendship, real intimacy, profound sense of mutuality, vibrant communication, common ideals, shared dreams, commitment, fidelity. These are all attributes which for many are formalised in marriage vows, which may in the end, be the essentials for happy, healthy and long-term relationships, which no only give the partners joy, but which also may provide the offspring with the very parental relationships, so necessary for a good start to life.