What to do about abusive relationships

You may not want to hear it, but when you are in one of those abusive relationships - get out! Yes, that's it! GET OUT!! ASAP. As soon as possible! Get the message!

Did you realise that right now as you are reading this article, statistics tell us that in every 15-18 seconds there is an act of domestic violence perpetuated in the United States in abusive relationships. And this is true world wide! Abusive relationships are not uncommon -they are a domestic war zone where the crimes are committed by angry and abusive men against helpless women and innocent children. These men are nothing but bullies who choose as their victims those who may really love them but cannot defend themselves.

And in the last 12 months a woman's husband or boyfriend has beaten 6 million American women. and that four thousand have been killed as a result. Maybe you will be next!

So, get out!!

And did you know that in abusive relationships, 95% of all domestic violence victims are female. So if you are a woman, look out! The best decision is get out! NOW!

"But I can't you," are probably protesting. "I've been married 20 years! I still love my partner! I've got the children to think about! I've invested too much already just to throw it all away! Where can I go? I'm too old to start again! I am afraid! He's nice to me at times. I've got to keep the marriage going. What will my friends think? I made a vow for better or for worse. He needs me! She needs me! "

On and on we go with our reasons or excuses....keeping ourselves as targets of abusive people, remaining in the firing line - all for the sake of what? Further abusiveness, more violence - an ongoing commitment to such abusive relationships. Sounds strange doesn't it.

Is that what you want?

No, we all want loving supportive relationships, where we can feel safe, protected, respected, acknowledged, understood. We don't want violence, abusive behaviour, psychological torture, aggression. We want and need relationships where peace and harmony coexist with respect, interdependence and independence. Relationships where abusive behaviour is non-existent and never tolerated. Relationships that are not based on ill treatment and threats, violence and abuse.

So, get out!! Is this confronting? Yes it is!

What constitutes these abusive relationships?

"Domestic violence or abusive relationships are the use or threat of force by one person in an intimate relationship to dominate, hurt, victimise and control the other person."

Many individuals who are victims of domestic violence do not identify themselves as such people. They make out themselves to be in failing relationships or as failures themselves. Or they may have grown up around an abusive parent and think their own relationship is normal and acceptable.

Often, the abuse doesn't start at the commencement of a relationship. Sometimes it begins upon going 'steady' or during the 'engagement'. For others, it starts subsequent to marriage or even as late as when the partner becomes pregnant.

Women first comprehended that the term domestic violence refers to their private situation when they find out about the 'charactersistics' of abusive relationships and that normal relationships should never be so cruel. Women are not inferior to men and should not be subjected to the anger, the arrogance and the attitudes of abusive men in any types of relationships.

So why do people, and that means predominantly women, stay in abusive relationships? The real question that should be asked here is:" Why do men batter?" The women in such abusive relationships is very seldom, if at all, to blame! Men batter and abuse women! Women often feel they have to put up with it. But they don't!

Is helpful to explain why women typically feel trapped in abusive relationships.

Typically, in abusive relationships, the woman is in risk and frightened for her life and the lives of her children. Her abuser has characteristically threatened to murder her and to kidnap or hurt the children. Over 75% of deaths linked with domestic violence within abusive relationships, occur when the injured party has tried to get away from her abuser, so this is a very genuine threat.

The women's spiritual or cultural community may stop her from leaving these abusive relationships. Many communities shun women who leave their partners. This remains a leading problem for women these days.

Women often do not have the economic capability to sustain herself and her children. She can't just move out such abusive relationships, without having a place to go and the means to provide for her children. Since the majority women are living with partners who maintain them, she needs time and work skills that can lead to feasible jobs.

If a woman leaves these abusive relationships devoid of economic security, she might find that her partner challenges her right to child custody. This outlook may paralyse a woman who knows or suspects that her partner would also mistreat the children when she is not around.

Reasons to Get out - NOW!

The abuse won' stop! No matter what the man says, or how much you 'love' him!

Your life is in danger! You could be badly injured or killed!

Your children are in danger! The occurrence of spousal abuse is the single greatest risk factor in children bein abused.

Am I in one of these abusive relationships?

One way to recognize if you are a casualty of abuse is to ask yourself how you consider the relationship- are you frightened to express your view? Do you feel your view will never matter? Do you feel yourself blamed irrationally? Other insightful ways to tell are to ask:

Does the person you are living with:


• Regularly insult, threaten or humiliate you?
• Constantly threaten to hurt you or your children or your family members?
• Show abusive behaviour such as hitting , shoving ,punching, kicking or biting you?
• Become extremely jealous for no reason?
• Stop you from seeing your friends or family?
• Stop you from going where you wish , when you desire, with no repercussions?
• Stop you from working or going out?
• Mistreat or threaten to abuse the family pets?
• Compel you to have sex or involve yourself in certain sex acts regardless of how you feel?
• Have power over all the finances and make you to explain for everything you spend?
• Refuse you access to family assets such as bank accounts and credit cards?
• Refuse you access to family assets such as bank accounts and credit cards? Are you aware of being followed, stalked or hassled?

If you answer 'YES' to any of these question - GET OUT! That is the only option you have. You are in one of those abusive relationships! GET OUT!