What readers are saying about abusive relationships

He put down every thing I wanted to do to better myself

Female Age: 25 - 34 Country: United States

My hopefully soon to be ex-husband’s way of emotional abuse was to put down every thing I wanted to do to better myself. Even now he says that he wasted the last 15 years of his life. I never was one for a high self-esteem & his belittling me & calling me ‘Dirt’ all the time began to wear at me. All of your problems were ‘my fault’. He firmed believed in the statement ‘When I am right, I am right. When I am wrong I am still right.’ I was not even allowed to dress in certain forms of clothing, even though…he bought them for me. My hobbies and interests were belittled as being stupid. My desires to better myself for me & our family hurt or marriage even more.

Things really began to crash around us when he became injured and his mother began to take over our lives. In her opinion I could do nothing right although I tried the best I could to make a good life for my family.

This emotionally began to make me withdraw from the marriage. I lost interest in sex with him all together, for me the act of making love must carry emotional weight with it. MY lack of interest gave him the impression I was having an affair.

The more I withdraw the more I emerged into hobbies of my youth. Looking for anything that would give me emotional fulfillment. One of those hobbies involved a role playing game. After time one of the other members, who was a guy & going through very similar problems in his life, became close friends with me. After a point our combined emotional need turned into what was mistaken for something deeper. Though there was never any physical contact made, There was more then enough emotional adultery going on.

I couldn’t find a way out of the marriage. We have two children involved and I was warned I would not get custody of either of them. In fact I was once even told that I would be at the bottom of a river before I would ever get my kids. I was scared to death of my husband, and quite frankly still am.

Though we are separated, he has our children. I am not allowed to remove them from the home. They are not allowed to get counseling, he was never willing to undergo counseling with me though I begged him repeatedly. Bottom line, I love my husband dearly, I just wish he could see that not all of what happen in our marriage is my fault.

I have been away from him for a month, & when he does not have tight control over me because of the kids I am so glad to be free of the pain. I just worry about the next person he gets involved with. If he does not see that he is being abusive then he is always doomed to failed relationships. Not to mention what does this teach our daughters. .