Key issues involved in relationships with age difference

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As far back as we can do in human history, there have always been relationships with age differences. They are nothing new.

What seems to change are people's attitudes to relationships with age differences, whether from a cultural perspective , a religious point of view or the sociological taboos built around genders and age.

The acceptance of relationships with age differences is very much imbedded within the attitudes, values and beliefs of particular societies, and is not a universal taboo. In fact, some societies and cultures actually encourage relationships with age differences, where women, or rather, young girls, are often required to enter into arranged marriages to fulfil the tribal expectations of that society.

Even in biblical times, relationships with age differences were not considered to be an issue, as was also the case with concubines. From a modern westerner's perspective, such arrangements may now seem 'immoral', improper and illegal.

Many of the arranged marriages based on relationships with age differences took place within cultures where a woman's role is quite different, as is also her right to choose her husband as well as the age she will be when married. None of these choices are hers.

This has been seen by feminists, as well as other political and moral activists, as a form of exploitation of women and the destruction of a woman's natural basic human right to make independent and free choices about crucial areas of their own lives.

But even in America and Britain early last century, a woman's right to choose her husband was greatly influenced by the so called proprieties of the day. They should not marry someone beneath their families' social status, nor of mixed race or colour. And yet in these societies, a marriage where relationships with age differences was often great, these mariages occurred nevertheless with everyone's blessing.

Today, attitudes are considered to be much more 'liberal', and mixed, racial and colour marriages are no longer frowned upon as greatly, but try relationships where age differences are significant, especially for younger men and older women, and see what the people think!

Women in marriages based on relationships with high age differences, although socially acceptable in western society, are still viewed with suspicion, particularly if the man is old and wealthy. They are often seen as only out to get his money, especially if they married the man in his latter years. In such circumstances the man is invariably seen as a 'sugar daddy, whose is worth a fortune and who give the young "bimbo" everything she wants!

When a young man enters one of those relationships with large age differences with a woman, he may be seen as nothing more than a "toy boy", and if he marries her, it must certainly be only for the money.

But in actual fact, when given the choice, men and women enter relationships with age differences, simply out of love and the need for companionship. They see the age difference as no barrier, no problem, and focus not on the age difference but on each other!

When men and women are free to choose their partners, they may still feel the need to conform to what their culture expects. But this could mean they put the "whims and fancies" of the society above their own desires and interests and end up missing out on a very special journey many have undertaken in their pursuit of relationships with age differences.

RELATIONSHIPS WITH AGE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN BRIDES AND GROOMS

Like other aspects of social behaviour, attitudes about the appropriate relative relationships with age differences between spouses is affected by community assumptions about age (husbands should be a few year older than their wives), but little attention has been given to this recognised social behaviour compared with other aspects of marriage and family.

However, relationships with large age differences between spouses have been shown to affect the quality of spousal relationships in the form of a diminished value consensus between husbands and wives, and resulting tensions (Presser 1975). Large age differences could also affect the success of marriages.

Statistically, marriages where husbands are considerably older than their wives are more likely to break up than those where couples are of a similar age, or where wives are older than husbands (Tzeng 1992) as demonstrated in relationships with age differences statistics.

Spousal relationships with age differences also has implications for the status of women in relation to men, with older-husband-and younger- wife marriages with very large age differences having been found to signify the lower status of women (Veevers 1984; Presser 1975; Casterline et al. 1986).

A decline in relationships with age differences between spouses has been observed in many countries. including, in the United States in the proportion of marriages where the husband is much older than the wife has decreased while there has been a slight increase in the incidence of wife-older marriages (Mensch 1986).

In summary, relationships with age differences between brides and grooms in Australia has declined over time, indicating an historical trend toward marriages with smaller age gaps. Such a trend implies a change of age preference in choice of partner, and previous studies indicate that this is affected by changes in age at marriage, marital history, women's education and women's status in society. However, further in-depth study of this trend is needed to examine the links between demographic and socioeconomic factors and age and relationships with age differences.

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