Codependency in Relationships

Codependency in relationships

The obsessive need for affection, attention and affirmation.

Experiencing codependency in relationships is very common and should not be seen as totally pathological or problematic. It all depends on how serious and 'obsessive' the codependency is with in the relationships.

Mutuality, reciprocity are vital aspects of healthy human relationships, but when one or both partners live only for the other person and cannot exist without them, then intense codependency in relationships is being exhibited.

An overpowering need for intimacy, nurturing and consolation can stem from a childhood of neglect and abuse. As a child the deep primal needs of nurturing were never provided and so become the 'obsessions' of the adult who longs for them in every relationship of significance. Neglected children frequently express codependency in relationships in adult life.

The real feeling is the 'heartacre of absence' brought about my unfulfilled nurturing and love in childhood.The child constantly needs affirmation from the parents, but when this doesn't come a void is created, whose appetite in insatiable, and is constantly hungry. This becomes the foundation of codependency in relationships.

Codependence in relationships is about emotionally hungry people who need their insatiable appetites for affection and affiirmation to be satisfied.

Most of us have these appetites, although some are so large that they produce emotionally obese people who almost totally consume the people around them with their needs for affection, attention and affirmation.

Defintions of codependency

One whose dependency needs were not met during early developmental stages, who is continually seeking validation of self worth, and who attempts to recreate the parent/child relationships in other significant relationships.

A specific condition that is characterized by preoccupation and extreme dependence (emotionally, socially, and sometimes physically), on a person or object. Eventually, this dependence on another person becomes a pathological condition that affects the codependent in all other relationships.

The following statements may help to identify codepedency in relationships and within each other:

• My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
• My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
• Your struggles affect my serenity.
• My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.
• My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.
• My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
• My mental attention is focused on manipulating you (to do it my way).
• My self esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
• My self esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
• My own hobbies and interests are put aside.
• My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies.
• Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires,as I feel you are a reflection of me.
• Your behavior is dictated by my desires, as I feel you are a reflection of me.
• I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
• I am not aware of what I want. I ask what you what I want.
• I am not aware; I assume.
• The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
• My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
• My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
• I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
• My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
• I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
• I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
• The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours