Why would a woman opt for a divorce? Divorce advice for women:

There are many reasons why a woman would opt for a divorce.

• A common reason a woman files for divorce is her husband's unreasonable behavior, for example, domestic violence. In 65% of contested petitions, separation and/or unreasonable behavior was cited as proof of breakdown of marriage. Divorce advice for women:
• It is important to acknowledge that the woman has a right to choose not to stay in an unhappy marriage and not to opt for silent suffering in a relationship in which she no longer wants to belong. Divorce advice for women:

Is divorce an easy option? Divorce advice for women:

It is also important for us to realise that divorce is not an easy option for women, whether or not they initiate divorce proceedings.

• Women have been socialised into believing or thinking that marriage and family is the ideal one should strive for. Divorce advice for women:
• The notion that a single woman (unmarried, divorced or widowed) is somehow a failure or unfulfilled or frustrated is very much alive in our society. Divorce advice for women:
• When a marriage breaks down, not only does the woman have to deal with a (probably huge) loss of self esteem, feelings of guilt or failure and the coping of the anguish of her children, she also has to deal with the negative stigma attached to being a divorcee. 
• If the marriage involves a religious contract, then the option of divorce is even harder to approach. Divorce advice for women:
• There are also social and financial considerations when someone opts for a divorce. Divorce advice for women:

In other words, we need to recognise that divorce is far more than just a legal procedure. It is a highly emotional time, and for many, it is actually an emotional nightmare. This would lead us to the strong awareness that, by the time the woman appears in court seeking a divorce, she is likely to be experiencing (and has already experienced) much emotional turmoil.

 What are issues that concern women when seeking a divorce?

There are difficult decisions to be made when one faces a divorce. If a woman has children, then the issues of custody and access to children are extremely important.

Decisions will have to be made regarding the questions: Divorce advice for women:

• Will she get custody of her children?
• What about their maintenance?
• Will she be able to provide for them adequately after the divorce?
• There are decisions about work. Many women give up their jobs to look after their children. Now she may need the job to support herself and her children. Will she be able to get back into the job market? What are her prospects?
• How will she be able to care for herself and her children?
• There are decisions about property. What will happen to the matrimonial assets? Divorce advice for women:
• Having spent considerable time and energy into making and nurturing a home for the family, often the trauma is now having to be faced such as selling off the matrimonial assets (e.g. the home) and dividing the monetary proceeds.
• The effort and emotions involved in maintaining (and selling) a home are rarely taken into consideration.
• Then there is the cost of legal proceedings for contested petitions and the length of time involved in contested petitions.
• Who will pay? Divorce advice for women:
• Does the woman have access to fees?
• Can she bear the time and emotion it may take to properly settle the divorce? Divorce advice for women:

What sort of bargaining power does a woman have? Divorce advice for women:

All too often a woman has limited bargaining powers. This may be because of her desperation to keep her children and/or her poor financial status.

• It can be very difficult to obtain a fair settlement in either a joint or contested petition. When parties are hurt or angry, fair play is often thrown out of the window.
• The issues of custody, maintenance, and division of matrimonial assets can all be used as bargaining points.
• Life can be made unbearable until the one party concedes to the terms the other party puts forward.
• A woman may not want the court case to drag on because of her limited financial resources and energy: she may therefore concede to her husband’s requests. Divorce advice for women:
• Similarly, she may agree not to ask for maintenance if she is given custody of the children.
• Therefore (and this is important) the claims presented in court may be very different from what the women actual want, need or deserve.

 What about the effect of divorce on children? Divorce advice for women:

While we would all rather that children come from homes where loving parents are present, we must acknowledge situations when a bitter or violent relationship between parents is detrimental to the well-being of the child.

• In divorces where children are involved, the issues of custody and access arise. Divorce advice for women:
• Apart from parents’ claims for custody, we need to listen carefully to children’s wishes and take into account the detailed welfare report on the situation. We need to look into the child’s safety, especially if there has been violence in the home. Divorce advice for women:
• Given the hurt and bitterness often experienced by divorcing parties, we need to consider too the possibility of the child or children being manipulated as a means of retaliation by one parent against the other.
• The issue of access should also entail cautioning parents against poisoning the minds of their children against the other party.