Infidelity and jealousy in relationships

The complexity of jealousy in relationships

Jealousy is a complex human emotion that is provoked by a perceived threat to an exclusive dyadic relationship. Although the emotional experience of jealousy may involve varying degrees of sadness, anger, and anxiety, many psychologists have defined it globally as the sense of "distress" or "discomfort" experienced over a partner's real or imagined involvement with another. Jealousy can occur in any type of relationship, but it is most commonly associated with romantic relationships, and only romantic jealousy is discussed here.

Men and women experience jealousy in relationships differently

Although both men and women experience romantic jealousy, a growing body of research suggests that the cues that trigger jealousy are different for men and women (Buss, Larsen, & Westen, 1996; Buss, Larsen, Westen, & Semmelroth, 1992; Buunk, Angleitner, Oubaid, & Buss, 1996; Geary, Rumsey, Bow-Thomas, & Hoard, 1995). Although men express greater sexual jealousy (i.e., distress over sharing their partners' sexual attention) than women, women express greater emotional jealousy (i.e., distress over sharing their partners' love) than men.

Cues that activate jealousy in relationships differ for men and women

Evolutionary Theory and Jealousy Evolutionary theorists have proposed that jealousy is an evolved response to the fitness threats associated with loss of exclusive access to a reproductive partner. Because sexual reproduction requires different contributions from men and women, they may experience different threats to their investments when their partners become involved with others. As a result, the cues that activate jealousy may also differ for men and women.

• For instance, at a purely biological level, women's contributions to reproduction far outweigh those of men: Whereas men need only expend a few sperm and very little time to reproduce, women must invest enormous amounts of time and effort for each child because of internal gestation (Trivers, 1972).
• To compensate for their biological disadvantage, women are believed to have evolved preferences for men who promise to provide postcopulatory resources (e.g., food and protection) that improve their infants' chance of survival (Ellis, 1992). A woman's fitness is thus limited by her partner's willingness to follow through on this promise--which may be evidenced by her partner's postcopulatory emotional attachment.
• A man's fitness, in contrast, is limited by his partner's willingness to grant him exclusive sexual access that guarantees his postcopulatory investment is not wasted on another man's child. These differences in reproductive contributions imply that a woman's fitness threats arise from her partner's emotional commitment to another whereas a man's fitness threats arise from his partner's sexual involvement with another.
• Evolutionary theorists have therefore surmised that men and women possess sex-specific stimulus sensitivities for reacting to a partner's infidelity (Wiederman & Allgeier, 1993).
• Specifically, cues implying sexual infidelity are thought to evoke more jealousy in men than women, and cues implying emotional infidelity are thought to evoke more jealousy in women than men.

Sociocultural Theory and Jealousy in relationships

The main rival to an evolutionary theory of jealousy is advanced from a sociocultural viewpoint. Only three possibilities are examined here. They include

• gender differences in relationship beliefs,
• in gender roles, and
• in needs for intimacy and social support.

Relationship Beliefs associated with jealousy in relationships

First,
several authors have noted that in our culture sexual infidelity has different meanings for men and women.

• Because women see love as a prerequisite for sex, a woman's sexual infidelity actually implies that she's been both sexually and emotionally unfaithful to her partner .
• However, a man's sexual infidelity has no such implication because men frequently have sex without love.
• Thus, gender differences in sensitivity to sexual and emotional infidelity may simply reflect these differences in meanings with men reacting more strongly to cues that imply a partner has been doubly unfaithful.
• Note that this "doubleshot" hypothesis not only implies that heterosexual men will be more distressed by a partner's sexual infidelity than heterosexual women (i.e., a relative difference), but also that heterosexual men will be more distressed by sexual infidelity than by emotional infidelity itself.

Second,
we also propose a "discounting" hypothesis.

• This idea is based on the existence of a double standard that permits men greater freedom than women to engage in extrarelational sex. Consequently, a man's female partner may not expect that his sexual infidelity will lead to the dissolution of their established relationship; in fact, the norm implied by the double standard supports a belief that he can maintain both relationships.
• But because there is no comparable norm that supports women's ability to maintain multiple relationships, a woman's male partner may be unable to discount the threat posed by her sexual infidelity (i.e., that she will terminate their relationship).
• Thus, gender differences in sensitivity to sexual and emotional infidelity may reflect gender differences in the situations that are believed to signal the eventual dissolution of their dyadic relationship.

Third,
a "cognitive adaptation" - a mind set - hypothesis affords an additional explanation for women's lesser distress over men's sexual infidelity.

• Specifically, because of a widespread belief that men are innately promiscuous, women may resign themselves to expect that their male partners will be sexually unfaithful regardless of their disapproval or counteractions . To cope with this constant threat, women may downplay the importance of men's sexual fidelity and therefore react less jealously to their extradyadic sexual behavior.
• Women's own experiences with sexually unrestrained men may serve to reinforce this belief, resulting in even greater adaptation and even less experienced jealousy.
• Thus, gender differences in the jealousy evoked by sexual and emotional infidelity may reflect differences in men's and women's experience with unrestrained partners and their consequent adapted beliefs.

Gender-Role Adherence affecting jealousy in relationships

Male and female roles differ in numerous ways that might affect interactions between romantic partners and sensitivity to partner infidelity.

• Hence it is possible that gender differences in jealousy originate in the global socialization processes that differentiate men's and women's behavior in close relationships rather than in specific relationship beliefs.
• This implies that jealousy is only sex-linked to the extent that men and women associate themselves with their culturally assigned male and female roles.

Social Support and jealousy in relationships

Although research confirms the value of intimacy for both men and women, men are often socialized to remain emotionally independent whereas women are socialized to cultivate emotional bonds with others (Wood, 1996).

• Thus, women may be more aware of the threat of social isolation and more sensitive to its possibility. This could explain why women report greater distress than men when thinking about a partners' emotional infidelity.