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Romantic Love Relationships: What is Love?
From a Female writer: Age 25 - 34

This is my story of what love did to me. Not from another person, but how my feelings expressed into action changed me.

I noticed him first in science department. He was a four years younger, my height, and I believe attractive in a outdoorsy/nerdy manner. Anyway, I felt an instant attraction to him due to his intellectual capabilities and dry sense of humour. He came off a bit rough around the edges, but that was okay.

It had been two years before he finally asked me out. He had noticed me as a good looking person, but I was a bit reserved and so he never knew how to approach me. It was over an shared event in which we finally go to talk with each other.

He came on very strong with his desires for securing an exclusive relationship. He said that he finally felt understood and saw this relationship as having definite potential for marriage. It was a whirlwind of emotions for the both of us.

My normal reservsations were taken aback. Slowly, I opened up to him because we have very similar outlooks in life. Yet, there was a side of me that was simply overwhelmed and felt something would go wrong. However, as love grows when we get to know people better. Love expresses itself in action instead of simply feeling.

I noticed that he started to criticize my interests, my behaviour, etc. as being submissive, lofty, and precious. I was rather confused by his accusations and asked what was going on. He broke down emotionally and cried. Again, I was thrown off the loop.

A tense month later of him blowing hot and cold, he broke up with me via letter and said some rather inaccurate things. I felt like I spinning trying to understand this man's changeable emotions. When I questioned him he become cold and defensive and claimed that I didn't trust him.

The only explanation that I can come up with is that he's confused at this point and instead of moving forward to share, he's retreated. He cannot look into himself, or perhaps is afraid to admit his problems, so he looks for something to blame. That target is me.

I do still love this person despite his flaws. I will retreat until he understands himself. Until he does this, a friendship is not possible. His feelings will always be muddled. He still carries the torch (after 3 yrs) for a young lady who wasn't interested in him. He hasn't dealt with that pain. It seems to me that he's often rejected for some reason or another. If only he would be more frank with himself, intimacy with a woman would not be so erratic.

It's strange to be compassionate towards those that have hurt us. I cannot be in a relationship where my love for a person is not acknowledged. I cannot be with a person whose emotions run hot and cold and doesn't understand why I am confused by that. I cannot be with a person I cannot respect. "