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Romantic
Love Relationships:
"I've
been very limerent about a co-worker for nearly two years now. I've evaluated
it for a long time and we would be completely incompatible and he would
probably make a lousy boyfriend/husband because he's not very communicative.
It started one day in his office. I've seen him around for several years
but because he's not the communicative type I never bothered to talk to
him - I have a feeling if I did then he probably would have just grunted
or something or stared at me and walked away. I guess he's somewhat the
strong silent type - but he's small in stature.
We were forced to work together and he was in charge, we spent a little
time getting to know each other and suddenly I realized his eyes were
an intense sky blue and I was determined to not look away when speaking
with him - we locked eyes and that's when things cut loose. The full effects
of limerance started, the room seemed to get brighter, I felt a floaty
type of feeling, it was extremely intense.
If I had known then what I know now I would have gotten up and walked
away. How could I know that that instant something had started that would
torture me for so long. I can't go two minutes without thinking about
him.
I've never been this way about anybody. I don't want to be this way about
him. I become furious with myself because I can't make it stop - I have
no control over it. I know I don't want to have anything to do with that
man but I can't stop my thoughts about him. Since that eyes locked moment
two years ago - we've interacted and I tried hard to keep my feet on the
ground. He has made comments and his actions suggested that the feelings
were reciprocal (I know I didn't imagine this). I actually wish he didn't
- because then I could continue thinking that it was all only in my head.
This has been torture, because I'm already married to the perfect husband
to whom I've never really had limerent feelings for. "
Romantic
Love Relationships:
"Limerence
often seems to be projected in a mostly negative light. For me, it's been
different, largely because I haven't experienced much "unrequited" limerence
- the few times it has happened, it has been mutual (although I think
I have been the non-limerent LO for a few others, and that is just as
awkward as Tennov describes).
One of the positive benefits I have experienced from limerent relationships
is the strong desire and motivation for self-improvement. I identify the
things in myself that my mutually-limerent partner finds admirable, and
find new ways and motivation to strengthen those. Conversely, I find my
own weaknesses reflected to me by my partner and work ever harder to overcome
them. It is not a complete transformation by any account, but I know I
have bettered myself through every one of my limerent relationships.
In my current limerent relationship, both of us realize full well that
we are experiencing limerence and, since we know we are essentially powerless
to stop it, we have nevertheless attempted to consciously avoid some of
its pitfalls (e.g. becoming too separated from friends and family, not
being aware of the others' foibles and flaws, etc.). I think we have been
more successful at balancing ourselves, now that we are aware of this
condition we experience. Thank you, Dr. Tennov! "
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