Romantic Love or Limerence in Relationships   

Love or Limerence - the search for romantic love

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Romantic Love or Limerence - a touch of "divine madness"

"To experience full blown romantic love is perhaps the most exhilarating, ecstatic and euphoric experience we could possibly have. It is so captivating, so powerful and so enticing that we are simply compelled headlong into the most delightful, delirious and disturbing emotions imaginable The wounds of romantic love are as intense as its blissfulness. It can be truly an experience of agony and ecstasy, and invariably is! To have experienced this "divine madness" is an almost intolerable privilege. To have never known its intensity may leave us with a quieter life, but romantic love when tasted changes our perceptions for ever."

Has this happened to you ?

In 1979 Dr Dorothy Tennov researched the whole area of 'romantic love' in response to the profound effects it was having on so many of her students. She published her findings in a book called 'Love and limerence"'.

The dictionary lists some two dozen meanings of the word "love". Ancient Greek has five distinct words for love all expressing key qualities of particular types of love. But in English we have just one word: "love".

How do we then distinguish between romantic love and affection, liking , fondness, caring, concern, infatuation, attraction, or desire. What exactly is the difference between loving and liking someone? How are romantic love and limerence different?

To deal with these nuances of love, Tennov came up with her own word "limerence" to describe the state of "being in love". She suggests that "limerence is not in any way pre-eminent among the types of human attractions or interactions, but when limerence is in full force, it eclipses all other relationships". I use the phrase 'romantic love' to describe Tennov's limerence.

This is how one person described their first feelings of "romantic love".

' I think I noticed Sue and felt physically attracted the minute I entered the room that evening. When I saw her dance, I was also impressed with her extraordinary talent. At that point I was ripe, and when she gave me that look, I was succumbed totally. We danced together several times and I was in seventh heaven. At the time, I was thinking, I'm in love with Sue. I was just thoroughly enjoying the situation. I was also noticing everything about here. And everything was beautiful, especially the fact that she seemed to be having the same experience.'

Sound familiar ? The arousing, awakening, heightened and intensely exhilarating feelings of limerence or romantic love are so captivating that they soon become addictive and our need to re-experience them again and again can drives us into all sorts of obsessive behaviors, and compulsions.

But whatever happens, however it is defined, it is intensely real, very personal, powerful, gripping, and life and love explosive! Life is for ever changed when enveloped by romantic love and the experience of limerence is its most overwhelming and powerful expression! This is high explosive love which totally penetrates every fibre of our being and saturates us with desires, feelings, longings and needs we may never had previously known.

Signs of 'limerence' in your romantic love relationships

  1. Passionate desires for the other person:
  2. Longing for your feelings to be returned by them:
  3. Mood swings dependent on how the other person responds:
  4. Unable to have these deep feelings with others at the same time:
  5. Vivid imagination about the other person:
  6. Fear of rejection by the other person:
  7. Very sensitive about how the other person responds to you:
  8. An aching heart when absent from the other person:
  9. A feeling of "walking on air" when positive responses occur:
  10. A total mental preoccupation of the other person:
  11. Feeling of deep loneliness when absent from the other person:
  12. A longing to be with the other person all the time:
  13. Focusing your whole attitude around the other person:
  14. The need for the other person to reassure you:

Significant signs of your romantic love relationship working out are:

  • in healthy romantic love relationships there is more trust
  • in healthy romantic love relationships partners feel less lonely
  • in healthy romantic love relationships partners tend to have long-term relationships
  • in healthy romantic love relationships sex is enjoyed, especially with long-term partners
  • in healthy romantic love relationships there is high self-esteem and high regard for those outside the relationship as well
  • in healthy romantic love relationships partners feel able to seek social support when experiencing stress
  • in healthy romantic love relationships the partners are very generous and supportive when facing stressful situations
  • in healthy romantic love relationships partners are more likey reveal how they really feel with each other
  • in healthy romantic love relationships there is a lot of positive, optimistic, and constructive relating to each other
  • in healthy romantic love relationships partners feel less afraid of dying
  • in healthy romantic love relationships there is more creative energy and positive engagement bewteen partners

Research shows that almost half of people involved in romantic love relationships feel secure in the relationship

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[ interracial relationships ] [ abusive relationships ] [ teen relationships ] [ family relationships ]
[ healthy relationships ] [ quotes on relationships ] [ Mother Daughter Relationships ]
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