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Have you used the 'F' word lately? There are many 'F' words in our lives, but the one which seems to create the most difficulty is surprisingly the 'F' word "Forgiveness". It is something we like to receive but find awfully hard to do. So what really is forgiveness? A few years ago I had a very long conversation with a policeman about 'forgiveness'. Peter had been a cop for years and had seen some very horrific scenes. He was dealing with criminals on a daily basis, thieves, robbers, rapists, murderers, you name it, he had met them all. Because of his work he thought he had lost the capacity to 'forgive'. He felt everyone deserved what they got: "an eye for an eye". His philosophy was simple, if you do something wrong expect to be punished. The catch phrase these days is 'zero tolerance' when it comes to crime. Peter would agree with such a policy. Crime should be punished. So when I raised the issue of forgiveness with Peter the word in his mind was almost obscene. "What let those people off!" Sitting with Peter gave me an important perspective on the criminal world which I had scarcely seen. I was very thankful for our justice system and and its judicial procedures. Does this 'F' word have any place in our society or is it an obscenity like the other 'F' word. Not every wrong we do is criminal. Not every action we do is infallible. Our lives are not perfect and we at times hurt and offend others. Sometimes we make honest mistakes, but on other occasions we are negligent or not caring. We can become very self- interested and totally self-centered. I am sure that even Peter would have admitted to these things and would not have wanted zero tolerance applied indiscriminately to such behaviour in his life. Forgiveness is usually given discriminatory and conditionally. That is, we don't hand it out equally and universally to everyone, and when we do 'forgive' we have our reasons and usually a few unspoken conditions as well. The justice system does not forgive murderers or rapists. In fact no one is being asked to forgive criminality. But there could be times when each of us are in need of a forgiving attitude from someone, or we are required to show an attitude of forgiveness towards someone else. Relationships, whether they be personal or in the work place usually require levels of acceptance, tolerance, understanding, goodwill and dare I say 'forgiveness' to work effectively. But I did say "levels". The levels are determined by many things. But be aware that our own personality, attitudes and interests determine the outcomes far more than the behaviour of the people around us. When the investments in our relationships are greater our "levels" usually increase. If someone offends me, I am more likely to show forgiveness to those I love or respect than to those I hardly know. This is why we can be so forgiving within our own families for their offences while we can condemn the rest of society for the same misdemeanour. Forgiveness in generous amounts should pervade our lives but it would be unwise to apply it indiscriminately and undiscerningly.
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