"The Lost men"	Love and Limerence: "Romantic Love"	"Anger "
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Love or Limerence - the search for romantic love.

Sometime back I wrote an article for Life Tips called "Divine Madness". I described the intense feelings of romantic love as follows:

"To experience full blown romantic love is perhaps the most exhilarating, ecstatic and euphoric experience we could possibly have. It is so captivating, so powerful and so enticing that we are simply compelled headlong into the most delightful, delirious and disturbing emotions imaginable The wounds of romantic love are as intense as its blissfulness. It can be truly an experience of agony and ecstasy, and invariably is! To have experienced this "divine madness" is an almost intolerable privilege. To have never known its intensity may leave us with a quieter life, but romantic love when tasted changes our perceptions for ever."

Has this happened to you ? I think I was a limerence junkie The feeling is so intense and frightening I'm stuck on a continuous "orgasmic plateau! I realize that she had fallen in love with me Bemused by the infatuations Limerance as motivation - it works!

In 1979 Dorothy Tennov researched the whole area of 'romantic love' in response to the profound effects it was having on so many of her students. She published her findings in a book called 'Love and limerence"'.

The dictionary lists some two dozen meanings of the word "love". Ancient Greek has five distinct words for love all expressing key qualities of particular types of love. But in English we have just one word: "love". How do we then distinguish between romantic love and affection, liking , fondness, caring, concern, infatuation, attraction, or desire. What exactly is the difference between loving and liking someone?

To deal with these nuances of love, Tennov came up with her own word "limerence" to describe the state of "being in love". She suggests that "limerence is not in any way pre-eminent among the types of human attractions or interactions, but when limerence is in full force, it eclipses all other relationships". I use the phrase 'romantic love' to describe Tennov's limerence.

This is how one person described their first feelings of "romantic love".
' I think I noticed Sue and felt physically attracted the minute I entered the room that evening. When I saw her dance, I was also impressed with her extraordinary talent. At that point I was ripe, and when she gave me that look, I was succumbed totally. We danced together several times and I was in seventh heaven. At the time, I was thinking, I'm in love with Sue. I was just thoroughly enjoying the situation. I was also noticing everything about here. And everything was beautiful, especially the fact that she seemed to be having the same experience.'

Sound familiar ? The arousing, awakening, heightened and intensely exhilarating feelings of limerence or romantic love are so captivating that they soon become addictive and our need to re-experience them again and again can drives us into all sorts of obsessive behaviors, and compulsions.

But whatever happens, however it is defined, it is intensely real, very personal, powerful, gripping, and life and love explosive!! Just look at the following headings below to see how others have defined this "romantic love", this divine madness", this "limerence".

And click HERE to see the ways readers have written about their experiences written below.

• So overwhelmed and controlled by these feelings,
• Usually all I can see is the positive of loving him,
• Nothing like this has ever happened to me,
• Unlike anything I have ever felt before,
• It cost me several friendships,
• A very difficult sensation,
• This contact can leave me throbbing with my confusion renewed,
• How do you stop the urge to call them which pains me greatly
• I was obsessed with John,
• Its hypnotic and it feels sooo goood. I could go on, but I won't.
• I have experienced limerence temporarily every year of my adult life,
• The joy of limerence for me is now the agony of limerence,
• This is a true psychological state,
• I felt this was my soul mate,
• It took much, much longer to get over this relationship,
• Once the limerence ended, I should have gotten a divorce.
• There is almost nothing about the state of limerance that I have not experienced,
• I reconnected with my high school sweetheart,
• I will have some peace but the pull is so strong,
• I would advocate waiting till the "high"! has worn off,
• I'm trying to decide if I can ever go back to her again,
• I'm searching for another victim,
• It's is probably more hightened by the fact that it is a love which will never be.
• I have have these intense limerent feelings about her.
• I think it is something everyone should experience,
• All of this is complicated further by the fact that we are both married.
• It was most difficult to 'give up' the object of my affection.
• I wish I knew the answer to that one,
• A reunion of their souls,
• He touches me and I melt from head to toe,
• I have truly experienced this feeling only once.
• I have experienced this phenomenon my whole adult life
• The pain has haunted me for the last 8 months,
• I believe it's made it worse for me,
• A desire to see him in all realms of his life,
• I am stuck on negative side of limerance,
• It is becoming a serious problem for my current relationship.
• Stupid. I know. Selfish. I know.
• I don't believe that she loves me as intensly as I love her,
• My wife is very attracted to a male co-worker of hers,
• And voila! Here I am again!
• It's horrible and wonderful all at the same time.
• I'm learning to cope with the limerance.
• I am looking for a way to get my mind off this person and into my "real" life and marriage.
• Unexpected, out of the blue,
• We're both richer for it,
• I was in love with him there and then.
• I sense he still harbours much feeling, but fights it.
• Basically this feeling totally surrounds me in everyday life,
• I still feel the same as when our love first blossomed,
• Time does mend the heart.
• It is rare that the one you love is having intense feelings exactly as you do.
• I sweat in the strangest places.
• Not true love but limerence.
• It certainly is fun, while it lasts!
• Limerance is both the best and worst experience I have ever had.
• I feel drugged with happiness."

The 'coup de foudre' (thunderbolt) of romantic love can make us deliriously happy as the intensity of passionate emotion overwhelms us. The "seventh heaven" state describes well the almost trance-like qualities of romantic love. Dorothy Tennov after extensive research listed what she saw as a number of key attributes of "limerence".

I have created a list of these attributes which you can respond to anonymously in the  LIMERENCE SURVEY.

Of course romantic love because of its intensity and all consuming needs and demands, is a difficult and at times, dangerous path to follow. Those who have walked the path know full well its power, passion and persuasion, as well as its pitfalls . Sometime soon we will explore the "other" side of romantic love limerence as well.

If you are interested in reader responses thus far to the to Love and Limerence Questionnaire click HERE.

Click HERE for another Life Tip related to the positive aspects of this theme.

You are invited to write your own "Love and limerence" experience HERE

See reader's Responses click HERE