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Anger
- living in a war zone My whole childhood and adolescence was dictated by the uncontrollable anger of my father. He was not an alcoholic. His anger controlled him and everyone in our family. His mood swings were immense. Gentle, kind, compassionate then suddenly a wild, raging, violent monster sweeping havoc across the innocent and defenceless lives of six children and a sick wife. Home was like a war zone. Furniture overturned, meals thrown across the kitchen, abusive language, children whipped, a mother insulted and sometimes assaulted. And that was the normal household atmosphere. And yet this same man had high morals, attended church regularly, worked very hard to provide for his family and had the most amazing lyric tenor voice which could have brought him enormous fame. But the darkness within him pervaded all our lives and left us all battered and shattered and left him guilty, ashamed and depressed. I am told that anger is a healthy emotion. That is something I am yet to experience, both in myself and in others. I loathe anger. Especially anger which is uncontrollably aggressive, abusive and violent. It is possible to live with anger. I did for some twenty years and my mother did for some forty years. Anger is not a complex emotion. It is a physiological reaction to "triggers" which release powerful chemicals into the body and brain producing aggressive and violent behavior. The triggers can be anything, especially when deeper disturbances already lurk within just needing something to set them off. The tea is too weak, the radio is too loud, the dinner is too cold, children's requests are too demanding, and on it goes! Always someone or something else. But anger always comes from within ourselves and we are always responsible for our own actions. If we are not, we need help urgently! We are out of control! What creates such uncontrollable anger and can it be resolved? Some anger is pathological and psychotic. It is a form of madness. The chemical imbalances within the brain are all wrong and the person literally has no control of their aggressive emotions. I came across people like that when I was working in a Psychiatric hospital. On the proper medication such people were given some sense of equilibrium although all their other emotions were suppressed as well. Drugs can control anger and activate it as well. Next door to me many years ago lived a lovely man who had a mentally disabled daughter. He simply adored his daughter and was totally devoted to her well being. However, when he became drunk, which he did quite regularly, he would lose all control, bash down the door to his house, abuse everyone except his daughter. The police would come, lock him up and then later he would return home sober and devoted. Anger needs to be managed and where possible, resolved. I lived in a home where neither happened. Most of us have "angry outbursts" which are triggered spontaneously , last seconds, pass quickly and don't create too much harm. But frequent, uncontrollable anger, whether expressed in moodiness, "verbals" or in aggressive and violent behavior is symptomatic of deeper disturbances and conditions which need to be resolved and certainly not tolerated. The best way to manage anger is to resolve its underlying causes.Dealing with the "triggers" will help you manage you anger better, as will a better understanding of the emotional scenarios you experience when angry. But the underlying causes of anger need to be resolved, otherwise you will be forever an angry person living constantly in anger-managment mode. I wish my father had resolved his anger much earlier in his life. It is certainly an emotion which men express more destructively and violently than women, and which strangely as it seems is more tolerated and sometimes encouraged amongst men. I would like those who "tolerate" anger to feel the absolute devastation and fear a sick wife feels when struck to the floor by an angry man or how a small boy feels when his father whips him in rage with a cord until the child can cry out no longer. There are many underlying causes of anger. Stress, disappointment, frustration, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, pain, brain chemical imbalance, alcohol, hurt, resentment, revenge, pride. The list could go on. We must deal with the causes, otherwise the innocent victims everywhere will continue to live in these domestic war zones where the fallen or wounded simply go unnoticed. Have you experienced anger? Tells us about your experiences and give us your views. Go HERE Reader's Responses click HERE |
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