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Reader' Responses Rejection
Gender:
female Age: 45 - 54 Country: USA
What is wrong with me that I keep getting thrown away by people? My boyfriend broke up with me on the phone. I had gone through about a three week period that he wouldn't speak to me. I was very emotional having PTSD re-triggered and terrified that he was choosing to not speak to me. I feel that he is very angry at me, but says he isn't. I was horribly abandoned by my violent alcoholic family, not allowed to live in their house as young women or even visit. I was not given any emotional or financial support even though other brothers and sisters got this. I was not an evil drug addict or criminal. I was incested by both parents and was the victim of other crimes. My life has been very chaotic due to my parents destroying all of my possessions and refusing to help in any way for me to get a higher education. I have been homeless. The boyfriend says I can't go to his house, he won't come to mine, I can't ride in his car. All of this is so sudden. I feel that he is throwing me away like a bag of garbage, not even giving me the decency of speaking to me in person. He knows that I am a trauma/sexual abuse survivor. He won't answer the phone and had agreed to meet with me in person at a coffee shop, not even a restuarant. I left him a message saying that I didn't want to pressure him and wanted him to be willing to meet with me. Now he will only see me in a therapy office, but I have to find the therapist. What is wrong with me that I keep getting thrown away by people? Why am I always being rejected? Why does't anyone ever ever want to have any life with me? I am not a horrible person. How come other people get to have kind families and good relationships? I feel used for sex and now I am being thrown away. I want him to tell me to my face what he said on the phone. I feel that his therapist and friends are telling him to break up with me and turn his back on me. I can't handle the silent treatment. I can't handle being treated like this. I don't want this relationship to end. I want him to explain to me why he doesn't love me when I thought he did.. I began to seriously wonder what was so wrong with me. "
About a year ago I was unexpectedly given "the flick" by a person whom
I'd loved and wanted to be with for many years years, (and who talks
as if they are the rejected one!). I've been dealing for the past year
with the emotions that you mention - many of them appearing to confirm
feelings of unworthiness associated with other painful relationships
and I began to seriously wonder what was so wrong with me that people
chose not to be with me. I totally agree with resolving early life emotional traumas we never wanted but have become part of the legacy of these years. Anything that helps us not to have these early traumas invade our lives has to be our primary goal in resolving this invasive and unwanted "baggage" . To be free of this legacy is to be healed. I want that for myself and for everyone! Rodney It is up to us to refuse to allow the harm to continue "While
insight into painful and/or horrific childhood experiences may provide
explanations of adult behaviour, reactions to experiences and emotions,
this does not mean that we necessarily have to continue to behave, react
and feel like this. Unless we recognise that as adults (unless we have
some form of dementia or other neurological disease) we are solely accountable
for our actions. Surely it is up to us to finally stop the abuse - to do otherwise is to give permission for the abuse to continue indefinitely." Yes resolution is always best. Insights and explanations assist that process. Childhood experiences certainly shape our responses and we do need to learn a new repetoire so that we don't get hooked into the old emotional agendas. Knowing what those agends are and working through them is necessary to bring about long lasting resolution and significant bahavioural changes
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