Attachment - the bonding process

We can be attached to almost anything.....our pets, our homes, our friends, our partners, our spouses, our social groups, our .clothes, our cars, our work mates, just about anything at all! Attachment is powerful and natural part of our lives

Attachment is both historical and emotional, It usually involves some nostalgia; can have a sense of commitment for whatever reason; involves liking, but not necessarily loving someone, attributing emotional value and worth to objects, people or pets. Attachment can include dependence, but not necessarily; does not require obligation, but values reciprocity.

With objects our attachment to them is not reciprocated except when we place on the object our own values and emotions which we then see them as symbolizing some sense of significance and meaning for us. For instance a photograph, a ring, a place, can all have special meaning and significance and there fore have an attachment for us. We might have a sense of attachment to our country, sport, home, garden, old shoes, childhood toys. We are attached to such things because we overlay them for whatever reason with emotional and symbolic value

Young children have an attachment to their parents because of their needs, which is very much dependence . The parents have an attachment to the child, which can be described as love, but is probably best described as parental bonding.

Attachment is a type of bonding process - emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual.. Like any process it has stages and outcomes.

For instance the attachment-bonding process of a child with its parent occurs according to the parental attitudes of the mother or father and according to the stages of development of the child. The parent's "mothering" and "fathering" qualities will determine the depth of their attachment, but the young infant will have only a needs attachment initially to the parents for food and warmth. The bonding for the child will increase as it becomes more psychologically aware of the parental figures attending to its needs, their proximity , frequency and nurturing style.

Of course for the parents the attachment to their child invariably occurs before the infant is born and the bonding processes after the birth enhances and develops this attachment. The result is a profound reciprocity of feelings, emotions, needs, desires, and interests between parents and the child.

An attachment-bonding process occurs between friends who may never us words like "love" to describe their relationship, but who nevertheless have an attachment to one another which can be as deep or deeper than so called "love " expressed in many relationships.

The sense of attachment we feel towards family and friends is based upon many things. Romantic love and sexual attraction are certainly not necessary and in fact are seen a s taboo in such situations. But the bonding and attachment can be more profound, secure and abiding. Filial love and friendship are like this. They can be deeply emotional, profoundly strong in commitment and mutually beneficial in their reciprocity. Many relationships are like this.

Can men and women be closely "attached" to one another without being sexually or romantically attracted? The answer is obviously yes! I have a twin sister with whom I have a deep and close attachment . I have close female and male friends with whom I am closely attached as well. These are important friendships and relationships in my life.

Certainly romantic love and sexual attraction are important in creating a deep sense of attachment and bonding with another person, but in themselves do not guarantee deep friendships or lasting relationships. Romance and sexuality are powerful and wonderful and can enhance relationships. It all depends on what basis and in what ways each person chooses to have their relationship or friendship expressed.

Attachments develop in many ways and for many reasons. They are can be expressed very differently depending on the bonding process itself and with whom the attachments are being developed. We should look at the history of our friendships and relationships very carefully and try and understand what it is about them that makes them work or makes them fall apart. What is the basis of the attachment.

The "attachment" process we all go through will help explain a great deal. When looking at any of our friendships and relationships we should always ask: " What is the basis of my attachment?" Your honest answers can be very revealing!

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