"What do you say after you say Hello?"

This question was answered in a fascinating way by Eric Berne in his book by that name. You see, whether we are aware of it or not, we are living our lives like actors. That is, we have learnt our lines, our roles, we have put on our costumes and the set is our life style. Is that an exaggeration.

Eric Burne, even Shakespeare and many others believe a lot of what we do, think and feel, has already been "scripted" for us by our families, institutions and society. We are simply acting out the role given to us by others.

As a child we had to "learn our lines" - what and how to speak. We were taught "the cues" - the customs and rules. As well, we were told "how to act" - the correct behaviour, and were given "the scene" - the place and culture in which to live. Then of course we were handed "our role" - our identity and character and "the plot" - the daily events, where we would be required to act out our lives.

As you can see a good part of our lives has already been "scripted" for us. But what happens if the script doesn't work for us or is affecting us badly? Can it be challenged or changed?

A good deal of adult life can be spent on "unscripting" our lives. For many of us the scripting we received has been very beneficial and empowering. We may have grown up in a loving and secure environment where positive experiences gave us good self-esteem, strong feelings of self-worth and a deep sense of inner confidence.

That type of sripting does not have to be unlearnt.

For others of us the scripting we received was detrimental, destructive and degrading. Our nation may have been at war. We may have lived in extreme poverty. Our home life could have been filled with violence and abuse. We may have been savagely criticised or simply neglected.

That type of scripting is twisted and distorted and can leave deep smudges on our lives.

For many of us the removal of these smudges can be agonizingly difficult. But scripting can be changed. Usually it takes time to read between the lines. We are not always aware just how deep the old scripts are or what they are.

However, their unravelling is well worth it and when scripts are challenged we are changed.